What I Saw When I Finally Looked

I don’t remember why I started posting on TikTok in the fall of 2025. I do remember deciding I was going to post every day, no matter what. I don’t remember what problem I thought it would solve, or what outcome I was hoping for. I just started talking in front of my phone.

What I saw surprised me.

I saw a really tired mom. Someone who looked worn down and defeated by life. My first thought was uncomfortable but honest. I would not follow her. My second thought was more important. How do I become someone I would follow?

I started with aesthetics because they were the most obvious and the most concrete. What small changes would make me look more put-together without overwhelming me? The saleswoman at Ulta found a dream client in me as I walked to the register with a handful of products she recommended, price unchecked. And learning how to apply press-on nails so they would last a couple of weeks became a surprisingly enjoyable side quest.

The biggest change was my hair. I had locs for five years, and I was ready for something different. I had shaved my head a few times in my twenties, so that wasn’t new. I missed having an afro, so I decided to comb my locs out.

Each loc took at least an hour. I had eighty-two of them. It took two full weeks to finish my entire head. It was tedious, exhausting, and surprisingly emotional. The amount of energy it took gave me a real understanding of what transformation actually requires. Grit. Patience. Resilience. A willingness to trust the process and stay with something long after the novelty wears off.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that nothing began to change until I started paying attention. Not fixing. Not forcing. Just observing myself honestly and giving myself the energy I had been withholding. That is when things began to shift.

In Thursday’s post, I explore why this happens through the lens of the observer effect. We’ll talk about the difference between attention and control, why observation is never passive, and how understanding this changes the way you approach growth altogether.