On Letting Go, Again

Lately, I feel compelled to forgive not just others, but myself. I see now that the anger I carry is less about others’ actions and more about my own struggles with self-worth.

There is a particular kind of honesty that comes with realizing how our self-esteem shapes the choices we make. The relationships we tolerate. The ways we learn to adapt to unkindness. Many of us carry patterns that were modeled for us long before we understood them. Some of those patterns are not ours to keep, even if they once helped us survive.

The frustrating part is that this awareness is not new. I have seen this before. I have understood it before. And still, I forget. I slip back into familiar cycles, asking myself how I ended up here again, only to arrive once more at the same realization.

Growth can feel repetitive. It can feel humbling. It is often easier to stay angry or place blame than to turn inward and say, “I need to look at myself with honesty and compassion.” But real change seems to require that inward look, again and again.

What I am learning is that belief is not always clean or confident. Sometimes belief sounds like wanting to trust that good things are possible while still wrestling with doubt. Wanting to hope while acknowledging how hard hope feels. That tension often means we are right in the middle of something breaking loose.

I am grateful for seasons that force reflection, even when they arrive through discomfort. The awareness, while disheartening, does create space. Space to pause. Space to choose differently. Space to respond with clarity and care instead of unfiltered emotions.

This is the resolution I am holding onto as a reminder:

Whenever I feel anger and jealousy, I can switch my focus to hope and compassion for myself.

I may not catch myself every time, but I can intentionally put it into practice as many times as it takes.

Affirmations

• I am allowed to grow out of patterns that no longer serve me.

• Awareness is progress.

• I can choose compassion for myself even when emotions feel heavy.

• I am capable of receiving love that is kind, safe, and consistent.

• When I forget, I can remember again without shame.